I have been away from this blog for nearly three years. But I have not been away from its subject matter. After two and a half years of pastoring - it occurred to me last evening during yoga that my "beginning" here has ended. It's safe to say I'm settled in and now find myself in "the middle" of this beautiful call.
As a young pastor, "single" is still an accurate description of my marital status. As any "never married" person could tell you - there are waves with regard to how one feels about being single. Sometimes it is an incredible blessing. Sometimes singleness aches in the way I imagine heartache - aches - except it's preemptive heartache. There are waves. What I didn't expect, however, was the frequency and intensity of the pendulum swing between comfort and discomfort with my own singleness - between heart ache and incredible joy.
During one of my recent swings into heartache, I considered recent suggestions from professionals and mentors and friends alike. On Thanksgiving I decided to once again attempt dating on-line. I've explored several of the sites. This time, I'm working through match.com - and I have to say, of all the sites, this is the one I like the best. With that said, I still can't get my head and my heart fully on board with the concept of on-line dating. Especially as a pastor.
For starters, vulnerability. As a person in public ministry - the person I will date has to be open to the fact that I am a "package deal." I am easily google-able. Easily findable. It would be easy for someone to come to worship on Sunday and vet me. That - and there are 3200 other people behind me. I am connected. (That's how many people are baptized in the congregation I serve.) I can't hide the fact that I am a pastor - nor do I want to. But are men in central Wisconsin in their 30s intimidated? Dismissive? Overwhelmed? Judgmental of those who are "religious"?
Secondly, the profile. I'm sorry - but it feels like you are selling yourself. The temptation is to either overshare or undershare. And "Christian/Protestant" is not enough of an identifier. I want to know - is faith something important to you. Are you Wisconsin Synod Lutheran? Are you a conservative evangelical? Are you ELCA Lutheran? Atheist? And how atheist? That actually matters to me. It's pretty vital, in fact. Anyone who creates an on-line profile is tasked with an enormous dilemma - how rosy do you paint the picture? Which selfie looks the least self-indulgent? What should your user name be? How "cute" should you be? How do you sell yourself so that people "will like you"?
Thirdly, our wiring. We are wired in certain ways. If you have a hard time going up and talking to someone in real life - you will also have a hard time clicking "like" on a profile.
In short, I'm not sold. Instead - I feel even worse about the fact that I am single. What I really yearn for - is for God to either grace me with confidence in the single life - or for God to put someone with whom I can share a life in my path. The not knowing... the waiting... the advent... that's the difficult part.
Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 7,
I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the affairs of the Lord, how to please the Lord; but the married man is anxious about the affairs of the world, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried woman and the virgin are anxious about the affairs of the Lord, so that they may be holy in body and spirit; but the married woman is anxious about the affairs of the world, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to put any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and unhindered devotion to the Lord.
To be anxious about the affairs of the Lord - that is where I desire my heart to be. But for those who are still aching, God is unhindered in devotion to you. The prayer of advent is, "Stir up your power, Lord Christ, and come!" (Psalm 80:2). In all other forms of waiting, may Christ stir up in your heart a sense of peace in the midst of all the longings.
