When I first began, it was about my hair – it looked messy
or curly or professional. It was short
and long. It was up and down. But over
this last year, the comments on my hair have diminished. Now they are about my body.
I caught my reflection in the glass doors of the sanctuary
as I was turning on the lights tonight for Bible Study. For a minute, I noticed what people have been
telling me lately – that I look good – as in, healthy.
In the last 8 months I’ve lost 50 pounds. But I don’t see it most days. Most days, I get dressed and still see a body
that doesn’t wear clothes the way it wants to yet. When I sit at my desk, I still feel my elbows
resting on my stomach rolls and I still have to check that my shirt is over my
lower tummy, and not stuck in the fold in the middle of my body.
Once in a while, though, like tonight – I’ll see someone I
don’t recognize in my reflection. Who is
this curvy one – far from slender – but oh so slender when you compare this
body to the body of last year’s body?
This is the body that fits under the alb in the same way
that one did before. Although the hem is
now closer and closer to the floor – and the chairperson for the fellowship
committee remarks that we might need to budget for a new alb.
“You are disappearing” – is one comment that I often get. “You look so good.”
A congregation focuses on your body when you stand in front
of them with your arms open wide and say let us pray. A congregation focuses on your arms and hands
and face when you lift the host before them and say, “… and gave it to his
disciples saying take and eat, this is my body given for you.”
This is my body – and yet – the work to get down to a
healthy size continues. And perhaps the
comments will continue. Behind them is
support. But also behind them, is the
recognition that we are people in bodies.
We minister in bodies. We lead in
bodies. We proclaim and preside in
bodies.
Strangely, after all the hard work, it's my spirit that feels lighter. This morning someone said, “You look like you
have a spring in your step.” I liked
that one.
