Take a look at Jon Acuff's blog. (Jon refers to himself as "a preacher's kid/author/speaker who works for Dave Ramsey.) His blog, entitled "Stuff Christian's Like" is a somewhat realistic (mostly satirical) look at, well... the "stuff" Christians like. In other words, the "stuff" that has come to be embedded in the culture of Christianity. In the article above, Jon expounds on his 550th point: "Surviving Church as a Single." He even gives the single reader a score card, ascribing points to circumstances. For instance, consider point number three:
3. Your church has a singles ministry, but it's a triad that combines college, single adults, and divorce recovery = +3 points.
Of course #680, "Being single during Christmas at Church" has a score card, too. (I personally scored higher on #550!) To see Jon's entire archive of "Stuff Christian's Like," go here:http://www.jonacuff.com/stuffchristianslike/archives/
Jon does a great job of pointing out the stereotypes and challenges that singles face. I found myself nodding and laughing, but then found my how-do-we-address-this-urge kicking in. We can joke about the experience of being single in church, because perhaps there is no way to address what's at the heart of the real concern. It seems to me that perhaps the people who are stereotyping are probably doing so out of authentic care and concern for the single person. And yet, all of this comes because there is an underlying expectation that singleness is not the ideal and can some how be remedied. It's like having a medical condition that people attempt to empathize with or suggest treatment.
Take a look at the title for #550. It's not, "Navigating church as a single," or "Understanding church from a single perspective," rather, "Surviving church as a single." The whole thing is satire, of course, but survival? As though you aren't being hunted down if you are a married person. As though existence in the church as a single person is a constant state of trying to find your place so that you can stay alive. And notice the end of the title, "...as a single." Not "single person." A "single." So not only are you surviving, but as you fight for your life, you're title is now not even attached to your person. (Think about it - would there ever be a counter-situation, "Surviving church as a married..."- you have to put the word, "person" after the word, "married." Not so with the word single!! Hmm!?)
While he jokes, there is a sense of empathy present in Jon's list. So again, the urge kicks in: When we know these things happen, and when we know they happen to the detriment of single persons, how can our language and behavior change to help people acknowledge the vocational dignity of singleness?
And maybe that's just it. The rite for marriage in Evangelical Lutheran Worship[2] it is clear that marriage is a vocation rooted in our baptismal identity. It just so happens to be the case that many within the church are called to the vocation of marriage. The liturgical rite for marriage within the tradition that I am a part of, centers the couple in their own baptisms, as they take on the new vocation of being a married person.
So if we're looking at marriage as the "standard, or "ideal," or the "cure" or the "expectation," then of course we're missing the point. Our baptisms, experienced within a community, verify our “dignity” and our
“vocations in Christ,”[1] whether that vocation is single (by choice or circumstance) or married. The job of the marriage rite is to speak the truth of the occasion, and ask God to
enter in on behalf of the individual or individuals immediately experiencing
the life passage, as well as the communities that encompass the individual.
To that end, I like Jon Acuff's look. At least he is naming the experience. How do we, as a faith community move from that naming of stereotypes and challenges, to an equally meaningful place where we can speak the truth of singleness and ask God to enter that vocation in the midst of the community that surrounds a single person? (Could you imagine a single person registering for gifts at target in order to celebrate that kind of blessing?!)
I may sound cynical, but the truth of the matter is, in my own experience of the church, while I have felt the need for "survival," I have also experienced support of my various vocations, the blessing of God is likewise for
me, and the support of the community these last few years has been so present it's tangible.
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